A wedding gift check bounced. I'd tell the giver.
WrapSheet blog
The bank says the account is closed. Now you're staring at a returned wedding-gift check, wondering whether telling the person will sound like asking for money. In a weddingplanning thread being discussed this morning, the newlywed says they assume it was a mistake but would rather stay quiet.
I'd tell them once, privately. They tried to give you something, and something went wrong. A brief message seems fair, even if you would never ask someone why their wedding card was empty.
The replies show why this feels difficult. One commenter this morning would avoid mentioning it in case the giver is struggling financially. Others describe old checks or account changes they hadn't realized would cause a problem. A commenter who had been the giver says they were embarrassed, but glad the couple told them so they could fix it. Those are their accounts, not an explanation of what happened to this particular check.
I understand wanting to spare someone embarrassment. I'd also want to know if I'd accidentally handed a friend a check they couldn't use.
Send a short message, without asking for another gift
First, make sure you understand the notice from your bank. A closed account isn't the same explanation as insufficient funds, and you shouldn't have to guess which one applies. Ask the bank what happened and what to do with the returned check before attempting to deposit it again. If there's a fee, ask about that too. Policies differ; don't assume another attempt will sort it out.
Then contact the giver directly. Here's wording I'd be comfortable sending:
"Hi! Thank you again for celebrating with us and for thinking of us with a gift. I wanted to let you know our bank returned the check with a notice that the account was closed. I thought you'd want to know in case an old checkbook got mixed in."
Only use that return reason if it's what the bank actually told you. You don't need to include the dollar amount, attach a picture of the whole check, or ask when they'll send a replacement.
I wouldn't turn this into a joke. You don't know yet whether it's a harmless mix-up or something painful. I also wouldn't recruit a parent to investigate when you can speak to the person yourself. An embarrassed guest doesn't need the family discussing their banking.
Leave room for an answer you weren't expecting
If they say, "Oh no, I grabbed the wrong checks," let them suggest how they'd like to handle it. If they offer to replace it, coordinate privately and follow the bank's guidance about the original.
If they say money has become tight, I'd answer, "Please don't worry about replacing it. We appreciate you thinking of us." Then I'd stop. I wouldn't ask them to prove the problem or explain why they wrote the check. A gift shouldn't become a financial interrogation.
No reply would be uncomfortable. I still wouldn't send reminders. You've given them the information; you don't need to resolve their motives before moving on.
Keep the thank-you separate from that practical message. You can write, "Thank you for your thoughtful card and for being there with us. We loved getting to celebrate with you," if those details are true. There's no need to pretend the money paid for your honeymoon when it never arrived.
In your private gift record, note that the check was returned so you don't confuse it with a completed deposit later. Keep account details out of shared lists. Once you've sent the message and the thank-you, I'd leave it there unless the giver gets back to you.